Things I want to Say

So I'll probably do a lot of these, but what I did was type things I want to say in my notes section today cause I really needed to say something's, but I suck at talking to people, plus I'm more honest when I'm not saying it to/for people. So, here's today's:

Things I want to say

Dear Briana,

You are so cute and beautiful and amazing. I kinda like you a lot. Im 98% sure you don't like me, and that's fine cause I'll deal with it. I'm sorry if this ruins our friendship :( Id really hate for that to happen, but I really needed to tell you cause it was eating away at my insides. I'm sorry I'm such a jerk. I just have no idea how to behave or what to do. I really hope you don't hate me, or in your words 'dislike a lot'. But if you do, I would completely understand. I'm sorry I'm so stupid, I hope you can forgive me some day.
GM

I wish I could tell you I love you… but I don't have the courage too, and I'm too afraid that you'll hate me forever. I don't care if you like me or not, I just wish I knew for certain either way so I wouldn't be plagued by a glimmer of hope. That hope just makes it all the worse. Its very difficult to deal with. I'm sorry I'm such an idiot.

Why do you have to be so aggravatingly attractive?! Why can't I just get you out of my head? I feel like I might start crying from the shear hopelessness of it all gosh dang it. I hate that I love you.

Why is it so hard for me to understand and to handle my emotions? Why is it is hard for me to be happy with who I am? Why do I get sad over the silliest things? Why is it so hard for me to be happy? Why do I love you?

I really wish I knew what you thought of me. I'm hatching a plan to accidentally ask you, but I can't think of a reason why I would what to know. I wish I was a more talkative person, but I'm not, and I over think EVERYTHING. And I hate it. I wish there was someway I could just easily talk to people, but I'm not a people person. I don't even know what kind of person I am- or if I even constitute as a person anymore. I just wish I knew what to do.

There it is.