Friendships

I hate this feeling. But there's nothing I can do about it. I hate feeling like a bad friend, but that's what I really am. I don't know how to help my friends effectively when they need it. I say the stupidest things. I feel like I can't do anything right. I cant carry conversations. I'm kinda a major jerk and douche bag. I wish there was some way I could help out more. I worry a lot, but I'm too scared to do anything about it. Why? I have no idea. I don't know what I'm scared of. But I'm scared of rejection, and of loosing my friends. I'm so used to feeling all alone that I'm scared of loosing friends. But I feel like I am because I'm freaking stupid. I just want to cry from frustration and disappointment with myself.