Things of truth

I don't know why I have do much hope of Briana liking me. Because I know it's basically impossible for her to like me. Forget that I'm unattractive, that I'm socially awkward, and that I'm kind of a douche bag. For someone to love me, like me, whatever, I have to first love/like myself. You can't love someone that doesn't like them self. That's the way of things. And since I'm not sure whether or not I like myself yet, because I haven't in the past. And since I'm not sure, that means I don't like myself, and so it's nigh impossible for Briana, or anyone else for that matter, to "like" me. Which kinda makes it harder for me to like myself, because the fact that no one has/does/will hurts my self esteem which makes it harder for me to appreciate myself. I know these things really don't matter right now, and that I shouldn't let them bother me, but they matter to me(for some stupid reason) and it does bother me. I guess that's all that I wanted/needed to say.

Disappear

Im such a whiny baby. Just warning you now.

I wish people proved to me they actually cared. I know in a stupid idiot. But I'd rather you tell me you don't care than to pretend like you do. I really do think you just act like you care about every once in awhile because you're too nice to tell me the truth. The truth that you don't like me, you find me annoying, and that I would just leave you alone.

I just want to disappear. I want to run away from here. Be alone with no contact. Just to sheet away from everything and/or everyone. Maybe subconsciously to see who cares. Cause I feel like its next to none.

I just want someone to love, someone who loves me. Yeah, I know it's never gonna happen cause I'm a butt ugly person named Garrett, but one can wish...

I dont have a witty title…

…because I'm lame :\

First of all I'm sorry for posting so much crap… not that anyone cares. But sorry nonetheless.

You know what I like? Hugs. They have a magical property of making things seem better for awhile. I don't understand. I just know it happens. But like I said at the begging as my reason for lack of witty titles, the same applies here too. Oh well, it doesn't matter. At least I can try to convince myself that it doesn't.

You know, I probably won't even post this because I talk about my desire for hugs? Id rather just get one because people know I need one/ want to give me one. I don't want what I say to influence the way people act towards me. The only reason I'll post this is from pushing 'Publish' from habit or I just stop caring completely. We'll see.

I dont know much else to say. Sorry for wasting precious minutes of your meaningful lives.

Friendships

I hate this feeling. But there's nothing I can do about it. I hate feeling like a bad friend, but that's what I really am. I don't know how to help my friends effectively when they need it. I say the stupidest things. I feel like I can't do anything right. I cant carry conversations. I'm kinda a major jerk and douche bag. I wish there was some way I could help out more. I worry a lot, but I'm too scared to do anything about it. Why? I have no idea. I don't know what I'm scared of. But I'm scared of rejection, and of loosing my friends. I'm so used to feeling all alone that I'm scared of loosing friends. But I feel like I am because I'm freaking stupid. I just want to cry from frustration and disappointment with myself.