Girls are dumb

I don't really know how to start this or anything, so I'm just gonna dive in and hopefully it can make some sense.

So in my last post (Nice to get this off my chest) I mentioned that I felt like one of my friends was starting to like me. Well, I'm pretty sure she does. And I'm pretty sure I like her. And that sucks. I feel like it's only a matter of time till she tells me, or we actually talk about it, or whatever. And I'm scared because I'm going to have to tell her that, though I really do like her, I don't want to go out with her. I really don't want a girlfriend right now. I don't want to have a girl at home that feels expected to wait for me while I'm on my mission, and I don't want a 'Dear John' letter. If a girl waits for me, that's fine. But I don't want to leave knowing there's a girl waiting for me, you know? And she's one of my best friends, and was before this whole emotion/feeling fiasco deal thing. And I really don't want to risk that friendship. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I'd rather have a friendship that lasts forever than a temporary relationship. There's no way I'm getting married instead of going on a mission, so I don't really see the point of have a girlfriend. But the problem is, that's what I feel is what I have to do. Yeah, at the time of that conversation, I may very well want to, but I can't. I can't let myself do that. And I'm scared it might hurt her a little bit. I'm sure she'd understand, but understanding something doesn't make the pain go away. Don't get me wrong, I love talking to her all the time, but I really wish I didn't have to deal with it.

And something that makes it worse, I guess, is it's not really true. It might be actually. But, this could very well be a tool of Satan to try and stop me from a mission. And I hate thinking that.

Blah.
Blah.
Meh... girls. I wish I had words that would accurately describe how I'm feeling. But, I'm not the best at doing that. I don't even really know how I'm feeling.

Girls are dumb.
Boys are dumb.

Girls are dumb.